i can't sleep and that's given. it is in the middle of the day. adrenaline is up and my imagination too. it is just that my brain wobbled off. i shouldn't have sat down in the meeting. yeah, it was just too much to engage in some detailed decisions...
i gave up on caffeine for 2 days. could it be the case? i don't think so.
i can easily blame it to overload. i got paralyzed. simply paralyzed. i don't know where to start.
and i can't call for help. oh brain, please cooperate.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
ON BEING HUMAN
Reflections & thoughts on the first ROL of CCI-Bohol
No matter how strong, happy and equipped we all are the need for people to be listened to is very great. It is no question of inadequacy or weakness the people that I was with last Sunday was attracted to the thought of sharing without fear or prejudice.
We were only seven- a good lucky mix of seven people coming from different backgrounds and struggles who are regularly evaluating relevance of their involvement in life. Most of us can trace our background with the Youth Ministry. One was just affiliated to it due to his attraction in the critical review of life.
The longing
Evident in the sharing was the longing of the participants to be coherent in their faith. This includes integrating faith in decision-making and in understanding people in the workplace. How to bring the person of Christ even to the ‘unlovable’? How to put color in such a drab routine of filling out reports and forms to colleagues who are fault finders?
Common for most of us was the struggle to adjust to the work environment. Most did not totally adapt the given culture but instead tried to influence it. “It was pure hard work” said one. The investment that you place in something intangible may be heartbreaking at times.
However, the need to recreate spaces of dialogue, joy and a culture-seeking fulfillment prevailed.
The struggle
Amazingly we were not alone in the struggle. We found people in the workplace sharing the same sentiments. These are the people that we turn to in times of conflict. These are also our main sphere of influence.
The struggle was not only confined in the issue of competence, commitment and capacity. It was more on the struggle of adjusting to different attitudes and behaviors. What was proven helpful was the training of the Review of Life. Seeing the reality as it is allows one to be more open and accepting. This is a key element towards tolerance.
We found out that domestic issues are sometimes very demanding and difficult to overcome. It is very important to grow together in consciousness as a family. If not, conflicts would surely arise. We grew up with so much cultural conditioning. If we don’t have common understanding at looking at issues (e.g. gender, the economy, politics, success, etc) then we are bound to a precarious situation.
How to explain to children about faith? What is a ‘liberal Christian’? What is the meaning of going to church? How is my relationship to the institutional church? How is this understood by our life partners and our children?
Strikingly, being a youth leader in the church was a major consideration for choices in life partners. People expected us to be more pious and to remain active in the daily works in the parish. Some of us detached ourselves from this involvement… The partners were the first ones to ask WHY and what went wrong?
The commitment to eradicate corruption
We committed to eradicate corruption in the workplace. Jokingly a question was asked on whether or not we are staring at the same corruption. Is facebooking a form of corruption when done in the workplace? How can we draw our strength to remain faithful to our job for eight-hours?
This can be a point of more Reviews…
---------------------------------------------------------
The next ROL for CCI-Bohol is 15TH October 2010. CCI stands for Cardijn Community International
No matter how strong, happy and equipped we all are the need for people to be listened to is very great. It is no question of inadequacy or weakness the people that I was with last Sunday was attracted to the thought of sharing without fear or prejudice.
We were only seven- a good lucky mix of seven people coming from different backgrounds and struggles who are regularly evaluating relevance of their involvement in life. Most of us can trace our background with the Youth Ministry. One was just affiliated to it due to his attraction in the critical review of life.
The longing
Evident in the sharing was the longing of the participants to be coherent in their faith. This includes integrating faith in decision-making and in understanding people in the workplace. How to bring the person of Christ even to the ‘unlovable’? How to put color in such a drab routine of filling out reports and forms to colleagues who are fault finders?
Common for most of us was the struggle to adjust to the work environment. Most did not totally adapt the given culture but instead tried to influence it. “It was pure hard work” said one. The investment that you place in something intangible may be heartbreaking at times.
However, the need to recreate spaces of dialogue, joy and a culture-seeking fulfillment prevailed.
The struggle
Amazingly we were not alone in the struggle. We found people in the workplace sharing the same sentiments. These are the people that we turn to in times of conflict. These are also our main sphere of influence.
The struggle was not only confined in the issue of competence, commitment and capacity. It was more on the struggle of adjusting to different attitudes and behaviors. What was proven helpful was the training of the Review of Life. Seeing the reality as it is allows one to be more open and accepting. This is a key element towards tolerance.
We found out that domestic issues are sometimes very demanding and difficult to overcome. It is very important to grow together in consciousness as a family. If not, conflicts would surely arise. We grew up with so much cultural conditioning. If we don’t have common understanding at looking at issues (e.g. gender, the economy, politics, success, etc) then we are bound to a precarious situation.
How to explain to children about faith? What is a ‘liberal Christian’? What is the meaning of going to church? How is my relationship to the institutional church? How is this understood by our life partners and our children?
Strikingly, being a youth leader in the church was a major consideration for choices in life partners. People expected us to be more pious and to remain active in the daily works in the parish. Some of us detached ourselves from this involvement… The partners were the first ones to ask WHY and what went wrong?
The commitment to eradicate corruption
We committed to eradicate corruption in the workplace. Jokingly a question was asked on whether or not we are staring at the same corruption. Is facebooking a form of corruption when done in the workplace? How can we draw our strength to remain faithful to our job for eight-hours?
This can be a point of more Reviews…
---------------------------------------------------------
The next ROL for CCI-Bohol is 15TH October 2010. CCI stands for Cardijn Community International
Thursday, April 22, 2010
What an earth day!
Apart from sending inspiring (agitating?) text messages to friends on the 22nd of April, I consciously went into the day by spending it with a national team of young people. They wanted to be enlightened more about resource mobilization. It was a very challenging yet enriching experience for all parties.
What set apart in the resourcing scheme that I presented was the 'greening' of the movement's budget. Indeed, the exercises were a bit tiring and we just stopped for sometime to give room for synthesizing.
While I was ready to give myself a rest, a call/text was received that involved the panglao reclamation developments...
And then I found myself giving back to the environment even to the last minute of the day.
There are some who can indirectly dedicate oneself to the environment for the earth day. For me, circumstances just don't allow it to happen
What set apart in the resourcing scheme that I presented was the 'greening' of the movement's budget. Indeed, the exercises were a bit tiring and we just stopped for sometime to give room for synthesizing.
While I was ready to give myself a rest, a call/text was received that involved the panglao reclamation developments...
And then I found myself giving back to the environment even to the last minute of the day.
There are some who can indirectly dedicate oneself to the environment for the earth day. For me, circumstances just don't allow it to happen
Sunday, April 4, 2010
And then some what ifs
I got a disturbing email yesterday enough to make me disturbed and angry. It was enough to make me putter about during dawn just to email people dear to me.
After a few email exchanges, we stopped. The issue may be valid, worth the energy but then it was best to put it aside...
What if the issue involved was worth taking up? I am pretty sure I won't be blamed after all... It was a mess, messier than I could imagine.
What if it was also worth dropping like that of the consensus made after the email exchanges?
You see, we end up with all the summations if we just keep on going through it all...
Friday, April 2, 2010
What if I die?
I wouldn't know perhaps if that would be the exact moment. Pain not tolerated might mean a glimpse of death but nah... it is not! It might be the product of your emotional self or the self that would prefer instant attention.
Death might be instantaneous or slow. It might eat you up. But I prefer to say that it might an art... a gracious way of accepting life as it is...
I faced a medical challenge last week when I had a hard time with my bladder. I didn't think much of death but I did make an inventory if there is something that the world would miss if I die (rock star!)... The answer was NONE. I did and gave it all. And then, but some, I bitched my way to the nurses and docs... LET ME PEE!
I did say sorry to my system for letting tanduay rule over them. I did made a sane discourse to my body parts why alcohol is good for my sanity and why we should tolerate it more. Why the 'bad' must be accommodated in the inner system of my body.
My body gave up in those debates. They accommodated my living self once more... I got opened up by the knife. I have to incur loans that would make me stay over my job for sometime...
SIGH.
No regrets. I just will move forward.
And then we go back to the title of this blog. What if I die? Just please do away with those ceremonial rituals. Bring sting and U2 on. Let friends party and if flowers are around, convert them to cash and donate to a cause I need to think of...
Death might be instantaneous or slow. It might eat you up. But I prefer to say that it might an art... a gracious way of accepting life as it is...
I faced a medical challenge last week when I had a hard time with my bladder. I didn't think much of death but I did make an inventory if there is something that the world would miss if I die (rock star!)... The answer was NONE. I did and gave it all. And then, but some, I bitched my way to the nurses and docs... LET ME PEE!
I did say sorry to my system for letting tanduay rule over them. I did made a sane discourse to my body parts why alcohol is good for my sanity and why we should tolerate it more. Why the 'bad' must be accommodated in the inner system of my body.
My body gave up in those debates. They accommodated my living self once more... I got opened up by the knife. I have to incur loans that would make me stay over my job for sometime...
SIGH.
No regrets. I just will move forward.
And then we go back to the title of this blog. What if I die? Just please do away with those ceremonial rituals. Bring sting and U2 on. Let friends party and if flowers are around, convert them to cash and donate to a cause I need to think of...
The cafe
I am not an original. Promise, I got inspired by Handuraw cafe and used its name as a title for this blog.
Handuraw-- to imagine. Perhaps, the best term is ruminations...
Why not? In our free times, our minds cover vast areas in the world that we could never ever visit.
Handuraw, we can...
Handuraw-- to imagine. Perhaps, the best term is ruminations...
Why not? In our free times, our minds cover vast areas in the world that we could never ever visit.
Handuraw, we can...
Semana santa
The Holy Week has an added twist this year. I am exempted from all the fasting and the abstinence afforded to a normal adult. A post-op patient like me needs to undergo all the pampering that I could get from my family.
I get all the attention and the nagging reminders as to when the meds need to be taken and the food eaten.
My attention is brought to the box which left the family glued for ages. -- TV. The cable didn't remind me much that it was Holy Week. Well, my nephews hounded us to resignation to go back aeons of our lives to the time when colors are the only thing in the world... Yes, cartoons.
Another polarity goes to my parents. They truly epitomize the Filipinos love for politics. They followed all the public debates and political fora once could ever imagine covered on TV. So, there goes my Holy Week... one that gets heatedly political with a dash of medical care and a track back to disneyland.
Thanks to my room, it offered me solace and a chance for introspection. Truly, what is the face of Bohol after this election?
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